Discovering the Very Best of

My photo
I love deeply, hard to let go of things whether positive or not,love food explains my size 7 lol, love my religious beliefs that of being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, returning from serving a mission in Los Angeles California my hometown, love my family,friends and anticipating the day I get to meet my husband and kids hopefully soon.hahaha Til then all I'm focused on is serving all those around me. One way or another discovering the best of my alter ego Marisella Woman from the Sea.

Living II Share my brother Tuau's Memory

Living II Share my brother Tuau's Memory
Kalee's with her Daddy Tuau aka Stu


Saturday, January 9, 2010

What Matters Most

I've had to ask myself this alot since the New Year. Everyday I'm peeling away at the old me and reinventing who I need to be. I've had a couple of relapses- bad ones if I do say so myself. But with the self-discipline I've kept since I moved to Utah til now. I've been able to come off on top. Through good friends like Tesha Mewborn and others. I'm able to regroup and remember not to beat myself up for past failings & to keep moving forward.

About two weeks ago I had lost my faith and no one could really understand me. No matter how I tried to explain my feelings through words those who witnessed my panic attack still couldn't imagine what I was saying. I was given the opportunity to have our choir Divine Heritage  sing for my niece Kalena Afo Vea's baptism. She had just turned eight & the baptism was to take place at 9am Saturday morning. And I've always been the type of person that would pride myself about how much "Faith I instilled in Heavenly Father growing up." However this particular day was differenent for me.

I had stressed the week believing that no one from choir would show.

1-It was really early in the morning
2-Holidayz had just ended & who would want 
to come out so far & so early for my family.
3. It might snow & I truly believe not enough people loved me in the choir to sacrifice 
sleep, gas and time for my niece.. 
4. And I feared that  because of that my family would hate on a group of people
that I spend so much of my time with & would say something to set me off. Which would only cause my pride to burn & my anger to

So a week of these thoughts drove me crazy and almost drove me to sickness up until we had to sing our second song.I was what you would call a "Faithless Bird" rather then a "Flightless Bird" because in my case I dared to doubt even with well equipped wings there's no way I could fly. If this moment was to require me to be a bird. If that makes any sense.  So as each minute passed that morning  & slowly Choir Members trickled into the building. I was still faithless that we'd get one of our  pianists to come. Let alone more choir members to magically appear. So I braced myself & just said ok well if it comes down to it. I'm for sure gonna do as many solos as needed to fullfill my promise to my sister Kui'ipo . And no matter what I was prepared to MAN UP if you would and make a fool out of myself. Because at that point I was completely faithless and annonying the heck out of who out of the choir members that were already there.  With my lack of
direction, patience and humility.

And then it happened my "Spiritual Slap" over my face when below  my saving  angels showed up-

The Molifua's & I @ Kalena's Eating


Me & Kawe
(Our Pianist for Kalena's Baptism hidding from the cameras had to find an old pic to spotlight him)lol

The Rest of my Die Hard DH'ers
Leen, Tiff, Amm, Tesh, Jun & April 

This experience left me aware of how much I need to never doubt Heavenly Father's power. Testifying that when I doubt I'm really saying I don't trust Heavenly Father to come through for me. 
And as my sis April put it that morning very bluntly.. "Dude Ova you have faith that we can make it to the chapel with an empty tank out in "Nevada" meaning the chapel where Kalena was to be baptized lol.!  "Talking we can make it! I know even on empty we can MAKE IT!" 
"But you don't have faith that people would actually come through to sing?"lol 
So talk about wake up call on having more faith and I getting a  taste of what it must be for people  who struggle with  faith to try to believe in the teachings of the Gospel. Or people who fell away from this Gospel to make their way back to our Lord's Flock. For the first time I truly had the knowledge given to me of how it feels to say I had absolutely "NO FAITH". 
And to those people I'd have to say "Where doubt exist faith can't not be." So to overcome doubt the only answer is faith and as a old saying goes.. Let Go and truly Let God in and miracles will occur beyond what you could've ever expected. Like how Kalena's Baptism taught  me that entering into the waters of baptism begins with FAITH. And everything concerning the Gospel of Jesus Christ exist because people truly need to exercise FAITH & TRUST in Christ. Which begins with the desire to look forward with faith & surrounding ourselves with people who will increase our faith.
As Kalena has demostrated in dedicating her life to Heavenly Father which matters more then anything in the world. 

The fruits from our labor Kalena w/her family after being 
baptized the newest member of the Church of Jesus Christ of 
Latter-Day Saints


ME said...

you don't have to tell me twice about losing faith...i do it all the time. but, since my trip to utah i am getting much better. granted, i am still getting agry, but the overwhelming feeling of despair is gone because i know that no matter what, I am not alone. i don't feel so weak and out of control, and i KNOW that through my prayers, HF edifies me when I need. thank you for this post, it has calmed my spirit a lot this night. alofas girl!

Jacelle said...

awwww. you know we got your back!

Marisela said...

good to hear from you darla aka amazing tala! I'm so happy for you and am grateful that any of my experiences can help in some way..
Boo on your trip to utard and no visit.. But its best to meet in Hawaii so you can show me how you all do it when it comes to grubbing.. love ya

And Jacelle aka tiff aka word bully.hahaha I know that's why I love yah