I love deeply, hard to let go of things whether positive or not,love food explains my size 7 lol, love my religious beliefs that of being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, returning from serving a mission in Los Angeles California my hometown, love my family,friends and anticipating the day I get to meet my husband and kids hopefully soon.hahaha Til then all I'm focused on is serving all those around me. One way or another discovering the best of my alter ego Marisella Woman from the Sea. Raaaaah..lol
This might sound like some fiction story you'd find in a Book. Or discover at some run down book store or library. But it's not this experience is actually a true story. Finally the day has arrived where I can say I'm ENGAGED!
It began this past Friday night as I was preparing to meet up with a few of my girl cousins on my father's side. We try to get together at least on a monthly basis. Celebrating special occassions,holidays or just time away from our households.lol When I found out that we'd be going bowling the night before our get together. I can honestly say I wasn't to thrilled. Not because it was bowling. Because I absolutely love sports. However dealing with day to day stuff on a personal level. I really wasn't feeling up to getting together with my sisters. I know such a hater.
So Friday evening rolls around, babysitting duties were completed and we were on our way. My younger sister Uila and cousin Kassie Feinga rode together. As they teased about "Married Talk" something I was too shut my ears off to suggested by sister Kass.lol It was nice to just sit back and listen. Despite the fact that I couldn't add my 2 cents on a matter I have no experience in. And in the moment it was totally fine with me because I was still learning. Well we arrived on time only to be greeted by our cousins Tina & Kinga Mapu. And as time passed slowly everyone began to show up.
As I got to talking to a few of our sisters I couldn't help but to think. "Alrightie Ova be a good sport, don't lose interest in chilling w/the girls and focus on how good it is to be family." And it's not because it's a pain to spending time with these women I'm blessed to have in my life. But for some odd reason I just couldn't get over feeling so anti-social.
Anyway the evening consisted of Me,Uila,cousins Tina & Kinga Mapu, cousins Frankie & Leta Fau'olo, our cousin-in-law Tini Mapu, cousins Ane & Tile Mapu, Kamie Afo Aiono, Kassie Afo Feinga, Kuiipo Afo Vea. We laughed, danced, took pictures, caught up on each others lives and enjoyed one anothers company. And that reason alone proved to me that's why I needed to attend. Merely to appreciate that I have a wonderful extended family and to realize moments like that don't happen everyday. So like a sponge I was soaking it in and figured that's all I was to learn that night. Never expecting what was to follow would open my eyes up even wider to what life can really be about. Especially when your not looking with your "Spiritual Eyes"..
Immediately after our game of bowling we headed over to IHOP for some grub. I began to feel weary so I had to regroup. Determined to keep soldering on w/my sisterly bonding. In other words I was giving myself an attitude check. Which totally worked out until we were seated. Directly across from us two gentlemen caught my attention. Especially because they'd look at our table, whisper, then look away, look back and whisper again.. So I found that very annonying and creepy. Since we were trying to plan out our next Girls Night, sharing recent updates and more funny stories. And to have two strangers continue to interrupt us in the middle of all that was causing me to truly lose my patience.
Then out of no where one of the gentlemen had the nerve to ask our youngest sister Frankie the following. "Hey that flower in your ear, which side means your taken?" OMG at this point my blood is pumping, more annonyed, and feeling like a bomb. Which would've exploded if I didn't take a breathe and held my peace. So yes I went into "Big Sister I'm gonna throw my plate at you if you don't stop talking to us mode." I know so violent sorry but that's how I was feeling cause he wouldn't quite. Anyway
Frankie the innoncent young woman that she is was blinded by any of our efforts of warning. She continues to answer not understanding what he was doing. Then replies with "Oh when its on the left ear means your taken as she at this point has the flower in her right." Everyone begins to laugh and blushing she repositions the flower to her left ear as to say. "OOps I'm taken."lol Our meals arrive we continue on with our conversations. And this dude still doesn't give up with interrupting our time together. Offers more comments and questions.. Then Kass has to leave because her husband arrives we say our goodbyes.. Not to long after Tini prepares to leave. When one of the cousins jokingly blurts out "Bye Auntie!" we laugh.. Then we hear the same annonying voice from the gentlemans table say "Ya bye Auntie." Before any of us could react. Tini the little firecracker that she is blurts out "WHAT?" "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?" and I guess by his facial expression and not wanting to start nothing Tini brushes it off with a laugh heading to pay her half of the bill.
Five minutes later I notice the gentleman that wouldn't shut up gets up from his table to leave. I being the paranoid one was like "Awww this fool better stop."lol Tini runs up to our table and is speaking so fas that I barely understand what she's trying to express. Because my thoughts were already on fastforward remembering the guy just left his table. So my thoughts were "He's gonna get it."And once I calmed myself and ("ENGAGED" LOL) myself in what Tini was expressing this is what she had to say.. "HEY YOU GUYS that guy who was sitting here, Tyler Winegar he just paid our whole bill and tip the waitress and all he wants is a hug from all of us." OMG RIGHT??? this guy a total stranger, we've never met in our lives, who we were ignoring, who I was wanting to hurt from jump just paid our bill. Very odd right? But this is what end up happening. Yes of course we were nicer, we had him come to our table to chat for a few minutes. Only to have his friend give Ane aka Bella her dreamcatcher necklace..lol another story for another day lol@bella.. But I will never forget these two men esp Tyler.. And yes maybe to some its not a big deal and they may even say score good for you guys..Free Meal!
But I was taught and reminded that I need to truly look at people with my "Spiritual Eyes" from the inside out focused on their hearts. And how dangerous it is to jump to such quick assumptions of other peoples motivates. When I should do the opposite and show appreciation for kind acts their tryna render. Tyler said he was trying to get our attention somehow being that he's from Maui. His motivates were to show us how he appreciates our culture and that he missed being in Hawaii. And seeing us made him miss home. Tyler's example truly put me in check and I was grateful that he was really kind. Giving me a greater desire to pay it forward by showing someone or a group of someones how much they mean to us. Whether I know them or not. By giving of time, common courtesy and just being there for people. That's what truly matters. I will forever brag about this "Girls Night" until something even greater comes along. Not only for the time I got to be with my sisters. But for people like Tyler and his friend that teach me "Because I have been given much I too must give." Finally "Engaged" in seeing people as they are and not what I mistakenly assume they are!
P.S. my badd about having a different meaning of what type of engaged you might've assumed I was referring too love ones and frenz.. hahahaha 2010 aiming for it.baah or I mean preparing..
I've had to ask myself this alot since the New Year. Everyday I'm peeling away at the old me and reinventing who I need to be. I've had a couple of relapses- bad ones if I do say so myself. But with the self-discipline I've kept since I moved to Utah til now. I've been able to come off on top. Through good friends like Tesha Mewborn and others. I'm able to regroup and remember not to beat myself up for past failings & to keep moving forward.
About two weeks ago I had lost my faith and no one could really understand me. No matter how I tried to explain my feelings through words those who witnessed my panic attack still couldn't imagine what I was saying. I was given the opportunity to have our choir Divine Heritage sing for my niece Kalena Afo Vea's baptism. She had just turned eight & the baptism was to take place at 9am Saturday morning. And I've always been the type of person that would pride myself about how much "Faith I instilled in Heavenly Father growing up." However this particular day was differenent for me.
I had stressed the week believing that no one from choir would show.
1-It was really early in the morning
2-Holidayz had just ended & who would want
to come out so far & so early for my family.
3. It might snow & I truly believe not enough people loved me in the choir to sacrifice sleep, gas and time for my niece..
4. And I feared that because of that my family would hate on a group of people
that I spend so much of my time with & would say something to set me off. Which would only cause my pride to burn & my anger to explode.lol
So a week of these thoughts drove me crazy and almost drove me to sickness up until we had to sing our second song.I was what you would call a "Faithless Bird" rather then a "Flightless Bird" because in my case I dared to doubt even with well equipped wings there's no way I could fly. If this moment was to require me to be a bird. If that makes any sense. So as each minute passed that morning & slowly Choir Members trickled into the building. I was still faithless that we'd get one of our pianists to come. Let alone more choir members to magically appear. So I braced myself & just said ok well if it comes down to it. I'm for sure gonna do as many solos as needed to fullfill my promise to my sister Kui'ipo . And no matter what I was prepared to MAN UP if you would and make a fool out of myself. Because at that point I was completely faithless and annonying the heck out of who out of the choir members that were already there. With my lack of direction, patience and humility.
And then it happened my "Spiritual Slap" over my face when below my saving angels showed up-
This experience left me aware of how much I need to never doubt Heavenly Father's power. Testifying that when I doubt I'm really saying I don't trust Heavenly Father to come through for me. And as my sis April put it that morning very bluntly.. "Dude Ova you have faith that we can make it to the chapel with an empty tank out in "Nevada" meaning the chapel where Kalena was to be baptized lol.! "Talking we can make it! I know even on empty we can MAKE IT!" "But you don't have faith that people would actually come through to sing?"lol
So talk about wake up call on having more faith and I getting a taste of what it must be for people who struggle with faith to try to believe in the teachings of the Gospel. Or people who fell away from this Gospel to make their way back to our Lord's Flock. For the first time I truly had the knowledge given to me of how it feels to say I had absolutely "NO FAITH". And to those people I'd have to say "Where doubt exist faith can't not be." So to overcome doubt the only answer is faith and as a old saying goes.. Let Go and truly Let God in and miracles will occur beyond what you could've ever expected. Like how Kalena's Baptism taught me that entering into the waters of baptism begins with FAITH. And everything concerning the Gospel of Jesus Christ exist because people truly need to exercise FAITH & TRUST in Christ. Which begins with the desire to look forward with faith & surrounding ourselves with people who will increase our faith. As Kalena has demostrated in dedicating her life to Heavenly Father which matters more then anything in the world.
The fruits from our labor Kalena w/her family after being baptized the newest member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
It's only been three days into the New Year and I've felt an amazing change of many different things. I've been more aware of forgetting myself due to other peoples example. I'm not as sadden to the fact that dating hasn't been in my favor for awhile now. Despite the clowning remarks from my mama and brothers.lol But something way more important than those things.
I believe the biggest lesson learned recently for me. Has to be my discovery of true friendship. What it means to truly be a friend, how to keep a friend, value friends and let go of those who would careless to be MY friends. (A reality that I've grown to accept very soarly) For whatever reason they may have I've learned to let those people go. I am learning how to really figure out why knowing that I am a Child of God ties into being a better friend is something worth knowing.
I have this sister/friend and as much as I would love to paste her face on my blog. I choose not to because she's not the type who cares for the spotlight or recongition. Even with the mention of her name it wouldn't sit well w/her. But I couldn't let this sister go unnoticed another day. Without at least expressing how much she's taught me during this holiday season and many things prior. Especially since I'm her biggest fan.
For namesake I have to at least make one up for her to keep me sane. So we'll call her "Bonita" and her co-star "Salote" lol. So the day after Christmas I was hella knocked out from a week of painful tootheache. And I guess a couple of friends were trying to get a hold of me earlier that morning. To let me know what went down the night before. But it wasn't til 10 am that morning my sister Salote lol another identity I have to keep under wraps..lol Well she calls and says "Hey did you hear?" and selfishly I was thinking "ahhh hear? "All I wanna "hear" are the sounds of me snoaring from this pain in my mouth."lol
Salote goes onto say "Hmmm Bonita's dad passed away but we'll find out more later today." Surely not a way anyone would like to awake too but we can't control life.
Throughout the day waiting for more info wasn't fun but calling didn't feel like an option. Even though Bonita is one of my bestest sisterfriends. So I waited and it wasn't til the next evening the day after her father pass that we got to speak for 2 minutes. My consern was to console her but her priority was to make sure that a comitment she made to my family & I was taken care of set in motion & ready to go. My soul was truly soften even more towards Bonita. To be so blessed that my sisterfriend was still worried about me in her time of mourning.. And to top it all off to have her still show up to that comitment as tired as she had been from the day after Christmas up to yesterday. She still served my family and put me before her very own needs..
So today I had to express my sincerest love & appreciation to her for her strength, her ability to be strong in the mist of pain such as bidding farewell to her father and teaching me the meaning of really being a true friend. Which is to show up by word & deed when one says their going to do something no matter the circumstances. If you all don't have a "Bonita" in your life. I would suggest to pray for one or be that friend to someone. Because as rough as life has been, is and will be these type of Saints are ones that we can learn from all the time. So this is for my sister/friend with all my alofa's thank you for who you are, what you stand for and the remarkable testimony you bare w/every breathe that you take. If you didn't think it moves mountains I'm telling you it's moved the many mountainous doubts & fears from my way of thinking. I will always be indebted to you thank you... Alofa tele Esperanza Marisela from the Sea lol